This week’s Throwback Thursday also happens to be my birthday. In honor of me, I’m reposting a blog I wrote on the event of my 40th birthday. I’m still in my 40s…and still fabulous.
On this day, July 24, 2008, I have reached a major milestone. One that I’ve been looking forward to for almost half my life…
I know, I know, you’re shocked. How, you may ask, have I remained 29 years old all these years and then suddenly turn 40? It’s an ancient family secret and I cannot betray the generations before me that have lied consistently about their age. Let’s just say I’ve achieved my goal of remaining 29 until I was 40.
Most women in my position are usually depressed about this. As an actress, it’s basically the end of my desired career. I’m officially no longer trophy wife age…unless I want to marry a guy in his 70s. The singing career is a long past fantasy and my love of twenty-something boys has turned me into a cougar.
But I’m not depressed. I have to admit, I’m less than happy about my lack of progress as an actress. But I found inspiration through the sadness of the passing of Estelle Getty. She struggled for 40 years before she got her break in her sixties in the role that defined her, Sophia Petrillo, on the Golden Girls. Olympia Dukakis suffered in relative obscurity until she became an overnight success at 50. And my idol, Tina Turner, didn’t come into her own until her big solo hit at 42…and is embarking on a world tour at 70 this fall.
I’ve long since accepted that I may never marry. I honestly don’t have the desire. It’s not a feminist thing…it’s just that of all the things I want to do in my life, being a wife is not one of them. I still hope for companionship someday but I no longer feel the need to build a life with someone. I like what I’m doing on my own.
But this isn’t a moment to reflect on what I haven’t done. That list is long and will probably get longer as my remaining days become fewer.
I am actually hopeful this birthday…excited about the future. Forty means that I’m still young enough to enjoy the life I have and old enough to no longer care what others think of me doing so. I’m free of the uncertainty of youth, the fear of rejection and the anguish of desiring acceptance.
Forty means that I can acknowledge my time on the planet and take pride in the 40 years of experience that have made me wiser. I’m a more interesting person now than I was 20 years ago.
As I sit here listening on the monitor to my three month old son gurgling in his sleep, I weep tears of joy knowing that for the rest of my life I have a beautiful and precious soul to love and care for. My four decades of life have prepared me for that honor.
Forty isn’t a time to let go of the dreams of my past. It’s time to redefine them and approach them from the freshness of a new stage in life, with the same persistence that has gotten me this far.
I still carry the illusion of invincibility from my teens, the blind determination of my twenties and the confidence of my thirties. At 40 I feel the package is complete and is finally ready to be delivered.
Forty means that my someday can finally begin.
Of course it doesn’t hurt that I don’t have a wrinkle anywhere and my ass can put many a twenty-year old’s to shame.
I am 40 and fabulous and damn proud of it!